Happily Ever After...

Well just our luck, just when Chris was about to knock on the recruiter's door, the job that we've been waiting months to call us did just that. The guy is offering Chris the job (at his asking salary) and begged him not to go to the air force. Chris told him that he's been waiting on him and if he doesn't hear from him about his second interview in two weeks, he's going back to the military.

Also... I got a promotion, sort of. It's not set in stone yet but I fell it's going to happen. I've been basically doing the job for the past month anyway. It comes with a $2 raise so looks like we're on the track to our "Happily Ever After". Wish us luck!

Military....

Christopher is thinking about joining the air force.... I should say hell bent on joining. He's already called a recruiter and started getting all his paperwork together. I say it's about time, he's been talking about going back since he got out of the army 2 years ago. He has always felt that he didn't do all he wanted to do in the military and lost his chance because of the joint custody with the kids. I am very pro-military and will be very proud if he goes through with it.
He has to get a physical and a letter from a doctor releasing him because he has asthma but that should not be a problem if he quits smoking.
Connor and Alana will have to live with their mom for a little while but we will get them as much as possible. Jade's going to be pissed off because she's so happy here and has lots of good friends. I don't think Amber will think much of it.
A lot of thinking and planning has to happen before he makes it official but I'm 98 percent sure it is going to happen. I think it will be a great life change for us.

ramblings of a crazy person.....

It's been over a month since I wrote on this blog. A lot has happened in these few short weeks. I made it where Connor and Alana could only come over if Chris was off of work because my craziness was getting out of control and I didn't feel it was in their best interest to get the worse of it. Jade and Amber know I'm crazy and don't take it to heart when I'm on a rampage but Connor and Alana have their father's emotions and get really hurt. I figure if Chris is home while I have them then he can tell me when I'm stepping over the boundary.
We got a new van!!! I love it. It's a tan color 2008 Kia Sedona. I bought it during one of my spur of the moment crazy fits because I was tired of not being able to bring the kids anywhere or being able to go out as a family because I had a small car that didn't fit everyone and the other van doesn't have an air conditioner. Chris set me off because he took my car to workwithout telling me and left the van here for me to drive to work. I was being over emotional about it due to the high stress in my life and him being so inconsiderate. =P So I called into work because I couldn't stop crying long enough to function and called my brother-in-law to buy a van.
The van that I originally said ok to was powder blue(wasn't too happy about that) and was a lower end model but when they went to put it on the truck to bring it to the dealership, they backed it into a pole. They didn't have another base model so they had to up-grade me to the 4 door LX for the same price! HOOWOO!!!!
So... I'm back on anxiety/depression medicine and everyone knows how much I hate being dependent on medication. It's been 4 days and it's finally kicking in so I feel great. Lets just hope I can stay on it this time so my kids can quit being scared of me. Maybe now I can functin as a human being, be a better mom and an even better wife.

Paint Brush

I keep my paint brush with me
Whereever I may go,
In case I need to cover up
So the real me doesn't show.

Afraid of what you'll do-that
You might laugh or say mean things.

I'm afraid I might lose you.

I'd like to remove all my paint coats
To show you the real, true ,me,
But I want you to try and understand,
I need you to accept what you see.

So if you'll be patient and close your eyes,
I'll strip off all my coats real slow.

Please understand how much it hurts
To let the real me show.

Now my coats are all stripped off.

I feel naked, bare and cold,
And if you still love me with all that you see,
You are my friend, pure as gold.

I need to save my paintbrush, though,
And hold it in my hand,
I want to keep it handy
In case someone doesn't understand.

So please protect me, my dear friend
And thanks for loving me true,
But please let me keep my paint brush with me
Until I love me, too.

By Bettie B. Youngs

I've been very busy lately. Had my birthday/anniversary party last weekend. I was surprised on how many people showed up. Everyone I didn't think was going to make it was there. MIL, FIL, and all my sibling-in-laws minus one showed along with the grandparents. Some friends of mine that I haven't seen in over a year showed up. We had crawfish and gumbo and of course g-ma rose made me a wonderful cake. It was a lot of fun. Check out the pictures if you get a chance.

http://senecajohnson.shutterfly.com/

SHEEP

Went to my first bible study in 3 years last night. It was nice to get out of the house and have "adult" conversation. Didn't really learn anything I didn't already know. I wouldn't really consider myself a church goer but I've always thought I was a spiritual person and I've tried to live in god's plan but it's been very hard because of the people I choose to live my life with. Over the years I've never lost the love I have for god... just faith in religion. I've had such a hard life and tend to put myself in situations that will just make it harder. I've always felt a little silly when I get around what I call the sheep, the people that use god and his words as a trendy fashion. Like the WWJD people. I tend to get a bit uncomfortable around the people that have had it easy and say that every time they start to have trying times they ask god for what path to choose. A bit of a sick feeling to those that have the time and the funds to take their children or just themselves to the biggest and best church around because they think god can hear them louder if they put more money into their collection plate. Kinda makes me laugh to think about some of these people praying about being able to get the new Coach bag or a bigger boat(they probly don't, I just imagine they do). The kind of people that have never really heard a heart felt prayer. A child praying to wake up tomorrow or worse... to not wake up. To hear your sister praying out loud that mom's boyfriend chooses to beat her that night instead of her baby sisters... or to have enough food.
I found myself not wanting to be at the bible study for very long, those people made me ill. I couldn't relate to them. I went there to learn, not to get an emotional dump from people that pretend to want to know me. People that have job security and wives/mothers that are able to stay home and raise their babies... that own their homes and have nice cars. People that worry about god's path because their children are giving them grief. I really just wanted to laugh in their faces, tell them to wake up, not to ever doubt the love our savior has for them.
I tried to get them off their selfish subjects by throwing out scripture and explaining to them how I believe the bible is a really long love letter... from God. If they would just read it instead of waiting for the hand out or a sign they would never doubt him. I don't think they got it.
I have never been to a church or gathering that did get it. This is why I don't go to church... because everyone ther is nothing but a bunch of sheep following a fad.

Chiggers

The tanning is going well. I am a nice bronze color with lovely red whelps all over my upper chest and belly. I'm either allergic to the lotion or the cleaner they use on the beds. It itches and burns like I have chiggers. I started tanning because my mother has planned the first "family" vacation in years and me, my sis and my mum are going to Florida at the end of June. I think Christopher thinks something is up because he is getting really clingy and loving. I'm not assuring him because I like the extra attention. lol I need a vacation so bad. I've been working non stop for the past year... really 14 years... with no vacation and it's really starting to take its toll.

Job is still stressful but in this economy, I'm just glad I still have one. I've made myself indispensable by learning everything possible so if anyone calls in I can cover their job. Because of this, I've gotten 14 hours overtime on my last check and there will be 8 hours overtime on this check. I've been working mostly first shift so I've been getting off in time to get the kids from school.

The girls are back from their dad's with tons more than they left with, as usual. I only send them with the bare necessities because they don't need their whole wardrobe to go visit for a week and I think their grandma thinks they don't have anything so she over shops and they always come back with TONS of clothes. She makes sure to remove all the tags because she thinks I'm going to return them. lol Amber also came back with a new cell phone. A really nice one that probably cost a fortune and is way to much for an 8 year old to lose. It went totally against what I was teaching them. I start my kids out on a GO-phone so it is prepaid and I can manage their minutes. If they prove to me that they can responsibly use their minutes then they can get a phone. Amber had her prepaid phone for 4 months and because I bought Jade a phone on my plan, he just had to get Amber one. It's on his plan so I guess if she uses up his minutes it's not my problem. Still makes me mad though.