SHEEP

Went to my first bible study in 3 years last night. It was nice to get out of the house and have "adult" conversation. Didn't really learn anything I didn't already know. I wouldn't really consider myself a church goer but I've always thought I was a spiritual person and I've tried to live in god's plan but it's been very hard because of the people I choose to live my life with. Over the years I've never lost the love I have for god... just faith in religion. I've had such a hard life and tend to put myself in situations that will just make it harder. I've always felt a little silly when I get around what I call the sheep, the people that use god and his words as a trendy fashion. Like the WWJD people. I tend to get a bit uncomfortable around the people that have had it easy and say that every time they start to have trying times they ask god for what path to choose. A bit of a sick feeling to those that have the time and the funds to take their children or just themselves to the biggest and best church around because they think god can hear them louder if they put more money into their collection plate. Kinda makes me laugh to think about some of these people praying about being able to get the new Coach bag or a bigger boat(they probly don't, I just imagine they do). The kind of people that have never really heard a heart felt prayer. A child praying to wake up tomorrow or worse... to not wake up. To hear your sister praying out loud that mom's boyfriend chooses to beat her that night instead of her baby sisters... or to have enough food.
I found myself not wanting to be at the bible study for very long, those people made me ill. I couldn't relate to them. I went there to learn, not to get an emotional dump from people that pretend to want to know me. People that have job security and wives/mothers that are able to stay home and raise their babies... that own their homes and have nice cars. People that worry about god's path because their children are giving them grief. I really just wanted to laugh in their faces, tell them to wake up, not to ever doubt the love our savior has for them.
I tried to get them off their selfish subjects by throwing out scripture and explaining to them how I believe the bible is a really long love letter... from God. If they would just read it instead of waiting for the hand out or a sign they would never doubt him. I don't think they got it.
I have never been to a church or gathering that did get it. This is why I don't go to church... because everyone ther is nothing but a bunch of sheep following a fad.

Chiggers

The tanning is going well. I am a nice bronze color with lovely red whelps all over my upper chest and belly. I'm either allergic to the lotion or the cleaner they use on the beds. It itches and burns like I have chiggers. I started tanning because my mother has planned the first "family" vacation in years and me, my sis and my mum are going to Florida at the end of June. I think Christopher thinks something is up because he is getting really clingy and loving. I'm not assuring him because I like the extra attention. lol I need a vacation so bad. I've been working non stop for the past year... really 14 years... with no vacation and it's really starting to take its toll.

Job is still stressful but in this economy, I'm just glad I still have one. I've made myself indispensable by learning everything possible so if anyone calls in I can cover their job. Because of this, I've gotten 14 hours overtime on my last check and there will be 8 hours overtime on this check. I've been working mostly first shift so I've been getting off in time to get the kids from school.

The girls are back from their dad's with tons more than they left with, as usual. I only send them with the bare necessities because they don't need their whole wardrobe to go visit for a week and I think their grandma thinks they don't have anything so she over shops and they always come back with TONS of clothes. She makes sure to remove all the tags because she thinks I'm going to return them. lol Amber also came back with a new cell phone. A really nice one that probably cost a fortune and is way to much for an 8 year old to lose. It went totally against what I was teaching them. I start my kids out on a GO-phone so it is prepaid and I can manage their minutes. If they prove to me that they can responsibly use their minutes then they can get a phone. Amber had her prepaid phone for 4 months and because I bought Jade a phone on my plan, he just had to get Amber one. It's on his plan so I guess if she uses up his minutes it's not my problem. Still makes me mad though.

Oompa Loompa...

Two days off in a row... WOOHOO!!! That's a rare one for me. Yesterday was because Gavin is sick, he has an upper respiratory infection and today was a scheduled day off. I I kept myself busy and made a list of honey dos for Chris. We were able to finally use all of our new yard equipment. I did some planting, he mowed the front and back yard and edged the walkway. It looks so pretty! Just wish I had friends and family that were close enough to see it.
I bought myself an early birthday present today, a month membership to the tanning bed to prepare myself for the summer's rays so I won't burn. When I went in to buy the membership, the guy working there talked me into buying a bronzing lotion to use in the bed to get a better tan... little did I know the "bronzing" agent in the lotion is what I would call a fake tanner so my palms are now orange. Just glad it's just my hands and not my whole body. I'd have to dye my hair green and start singing oompa loompa songs.

First Blog...

A little about myself... hm mm.... well, I once had a very interesting life. Now I'm just mommy, mother, mom, mohaaaaMMM, Seneca, or what ever else my brood of 5 hateful/wonderful children decide to call me at the time. I can usually tell what they want by the way they call for me. Jade is 12 going on 17, Amber is typical 8, Connor is 8 going on 4, Alana is newly 6 and Gavin is in his wonderful 2's.

Have I mentioned I work an average of 45 hours a week?!?! I have NO time for myself except when the kids go to bed and every Thursday at 8pm for Grey's Anatomy. I think if I slow down and take time for myself, I will realize how crazy I really am so I try to shove as many projects into my schedule as possible. Any day I have off I'm trying to save the world... or just my family, so I'm making trips to Oklahoma or Houston on my only days off to try to save people that don't appreciate it and will never change so I don't know why I try. I guess the reason is that I have this weird thing about karma and hallucinogenic thoughts that if my family is going to be normal... I have to make it that way.

I'm also a control freak and have NO problem telling people exactly how I feel.