SHEEP

Went to my first bible study in 3 years last night. It was nice to get out of the house and have "adult" conversation. Didn't really learn anything I didn't already know. I wouldn't really consider myself a church goer but I've always thought I was a spiritual person and I've tried to live in god's plan but it's been very hard because of the people I choose to live my life with. Over the years I've never lost the love I have for god... just faith in religion. I've had such a hard life and tend to put myself in situations that will just make it harder. I've always felt a little silly when I get around what I call the sheep, the people that use god and his words as a trendy fashion. Like the WWJD people. I tend to get a bit uncomfortable around the people that have had it easy and say that every time they start to have trying times they ask god for what path to choose. A bit of a sick feeling to those that have the time and the funds to take their children or just themselves to the biggest and best church around because they think god can hear them louder if they put more money into their collection plate. Kinda makes me laugh to think about some of these people praying about being able to get the new Coach bag or a bigger boat(they probly don't, I just imagine they do). The kind of people that have never really heard a heart felt prayer. A child praying to wake up tomorrow or worse... to not wake up. To hear your sister praying out loud that mom's boyfriend chooses to beat her that night instead of her baby sisters... or to have enough food.
I found myself not wanting to be at the bible study for very long, those people made me ill. I couldn't relate to them. I went there to learn, not to get an emotional dump from people that pretend to want to know me. People that have job security and wives/mothers that are able to stay home and raise their babies... that own their homes and have nice cars. People that worry about god's path because their children are giving them grief. I really just wanted to laugh in their faces, tell them to wake up, not to ever doubt the love our savior has for them.
I tried to get them off their selfish subjects by throwing out scripture and explaining to them how I believe the bible is a really long love letter... from God. If they would just read it instead of waiting for the hand out or a sign they would never doubt him. I don't think they got it.
I have never been to a church or gathering that did get it. This is why I don't go to church... because everyone ther is nothing but a bunch of sheep following a fad.